Just a thought

...I think I'm officially on the verge of losing all self respect

Manual focus

So, where do I begin.... well, as usual, the events of the past few weeks are scarce, as well as uneventful, but nonetheless, blogworthy, as with pretty much every insignificant and significant little thought/event I may encounter. That being said, let's see... As you all know, monday was valentine's day. And no, this is not another post where I bitch and moan and whine on and on about how I'm single and valentine's day sucks. Yes, I did spend yet another valentine's day alone, well in the technical sense. I did spend most of the day at work, and did get the cutest little valentine from my boss' kid, but after work, I did meet up with dana for a late drink at the sun tavern (having rearranged my work schedule this week, tuesday night movie night has been put on hold for a week or 2). So i guess you could say Dana was my valentine. In essence, we are dating. Her boyfriend even refers to me as her other boyfriend. It seems appropriate, and I honestly do look forward to our 1 night a week together out of most other nights. It's pretty much one of the only nights I do go out in the week. And since it is comprised of date like activities (dinner and a movie) it seems as such. So anyway, dana and I had a couple of drinks to celebrate the evening. And it was nice to have a change of scenery from fridays, although it sucks to actually have drinks show up on your tab. While at the tavern, as usual, I ran into a few select fellow class of 1998 alums from SPFHS. I got a fake hello, a brief catch up conversation, and a somewhat brief (but a little longer than the previous) conversation. I find it interesting that I spent a greater part of my formative teenage years with these people, and while we still share that sacred bond, it's almost as if we don't know each other anymore. Actually, we really dont KNOW each other anymore. A lot happens in the years following high school that change us. One of the girls, I must say, looked pretty damn good, although I did always have the slightest crush on her. But I think at this point, for anything to happen would just be awkward. Anyway, I digress. So that was valentine's day. A somewhat overly commercial holiday, but a great time to appreciate those friends and family members around you. Damn that cupid and his evil arrows. And speaking of hearts, on tuesday at my annual "physical," I found out that my cholesterol is back to normal. I suppose losing over 40 pounds kind of helps afterall.

This past friday was katie forte's birthday party. An interesting evening, and that's about all I have to say about that. Katie loves her birthday, and it shows (not that it's a bad thing at all!) I'm on the opposite end where a dinner with the family and some drinks with the friends about does it. But we all need that me day where the attention has to be focused on us for a while. Rious pictures from the party by the way, most of which katie says she doesnt remember, and I dont find that hard to believe. Take a look for yourself. By the way, makeout pictures completely staged, at least the ones between katie and myself. ;-)

Oh, and on the exciting front, at least for my boring and uneventful existence (not to be hard on myself... heh heh, I just said hard on), last week I finally got my new digital (still) camera. I'm now the proud owner of a canon powershot s1 is. Only 3.2 mps, but it has a 10x optical zoom and plenty of manual features to mess around with. It also has image stabilization to keep from getting those blurry shots. I'm looking into expanding my still photography skills, so I thought I'd give it a try with this thing. And after admiring ty/fubuki, my fellow flickrite's, amazing pics and noticing his ownership of this camera, with his recommendation, I decided to take the plunge and buy the camera. Fairly cheap considering, but on the higher end of the point and shoot realm of digital cameras. I'm happy, so I cant complain. So check out for yourself here or by looking on the right side of the page... yeah, down there towards the bottom. And please, let me know what you think, either here or on flickr. I love comments.... they provide me with the simplest form of affirmation. You took the time to say something, so I know you care enough to send the very best. Or something like that. By the way, a pic from the new cam...



Now, to close things out, I feel the need to discuss this girl that expressed interest in me a month or so ago. I don't exactly know what happened, but communication has ceased, at least from her end. After our initial conversation, which was simple and in no way could have ruined my chances, I received no phone call back. I had left it in her hands that time, and after about 2 weeks and nothing, I decided to call back, and each time I've tried, I've gone to voicemail. Unfortunately, I now have nowhere to turn. I kind of spoke to my coworker about it, but briefly. He said that she said she called me, and that she thought I was a great guy, but she's in pittsburg and I'm here. Something I realized from the start, but if I could only get a hold of her and explain my position, which is that I understand her position, things might take a better turn. But getting info out of my coworker is quite difficult. Apparently, something that became a little clearer on friday night after conversing with other coworkers, the night of the party, the night she expressed interest, my coworker (her friend) finally decided to unload his true feelings for her, at which point she proceeded to give him the "we're just friends" line (all too familiar) but then proceeded to turn her sights on me. So you can see where I would have the slightest bit of trust issues with my coworker. I'd probably do the same thing, so in a way, I can't blame him. But I'm hurting here... my glimmer of hope has been rubbed out, shot down. I'm not through yet though. I'm a persitant little fucker when I want to be. Now I'm not talking stalker persistant, but I'm not going down without a fight. Remember, you gotta fight for your right to party. At this point, I got nothing to lose, except my pride,dignity and respect, all of which I'm not that attached to, so we'll do what we have to do.

why'd you have to go and make things so complicated?

song - the killers "mr. brightside"

Dancing through the netherlands

So i had this really bizarre dream the other night. Bizarre and vivid enough to remember, something that doesn't happen often. So, here's the basic plot of the dream, as it is a dream, and kind of hard to lay out logically... So I was at work, in one of the studios, and the boss comes in to the studio, and tells me that he's firing me for one day. I remember it was a thursday, so I was fired for friday. I remember being shocked and demanding a reason why. His reason was that I'm not going anywhere in this place, and that I've grown all I can here and it's time to move on, coincidentally the exact reason for which I know someone else was fired. So still being shocked, I remember storming into his office and demanding the real reason for being fired. Apparently, he had received word that I was a spy/leak to another radio station in the market, the mix station (PLJ for you new yorkers), and that I was compromising important station information, Of course, I assured him this wasn't true, even though I do in fact listen to PLJ, but that's besides the point. So I was still fired, although things were settled, and I wasnt to come in the next day. Interestingly enough, the rest of the dream unfolded into where I actually was a spy for PLJ, having secret meetings and handing off stuff to them. I'm not exactly sure where that came from, but then again it is a dream.

The part that really got me though was that part about not going anywhere in my current job and the need to move on. Unfortunately, and I realize this deep down and on the surface, this is pretty much true. I've actually known this for quite some time now, but am in a deep state of denial. I'm content doing what I'm doing, and I like this place, but I know I cant go on doing this forever. It's a fun job but by no means is a long-term, stable thing. So maybe this dream was a way for myself to tell me that I AM ready to move on, and that I should heed my own advice.

On a side note, as the superbowl was this sunday, and congrats to the new england patriots. I guess they scored the most baskets on the track thingy. And sorry to the eagles fans. Hey, at least you made it that far. I lost the superbowl pool. And of course, as the rules of life go, the people who don't need the money, win. But hey, that's gambling.