789551
so of late, I've had this overwhelming urge to blog. yes, I'll admit it has been a while, but this is not gonna be one of those posts where I start out making excuses for my lack of blogging and then go into some massive recap of the time since I last posted a blog. So, having said that, I feel like my brain is just overwhelmed with thoughts and emotions, so I think just slowly taking some of those out will allow other thoughts and emotions to form. So, as I plan to treat this blog like my own personal pensieve (geek alert), let us begin.
Let's just say that over the past several weeks, I've learned some things about myself. Maybe things that I already knew were there, but the awareness was inflamed. (oh, note to self, pick up cream). So what have I learned, you rhetorically ask. Well, for those who really know me, they know that I have this tendency to be a little reluctant to divulge any personal feelings out into the open. I've never looked at this as a personal attack at any person as a trust issue, it's just that some things I don't feel the need to bring into the open, moreso with people I know. Because while it may not affect the person I tell, it almost opens me up to a sense of vulnerability, at least that's how I think. Ultimately, while you make seek counsel from others, looking for any sort of alternate view, whether it be to validate what you think or gain new perspective, it is ultimately ones self that is still left with their problem at the end of the day, a problem they can only deal with (in most cases) and a problem they will be left to solve. So, i guess in a way, I eliminate the middle man. And besides, I'm probably one of the best people to have a conversation with anyway, because no matter what I say, I'm always right.
ok, now, despite all this, which in a way, I still stand by, i've discovered that I need to be a little more open with my feelings. Let's just say that some of the events over the last 2 months have caused my inner monologue to go into overdrive, to the point of overload. There finally came a point where I couldn't hold it anymore and broke down to some poor caller at work. As I sat there isolated in my studio with just one ear on the other end of the phone, it all came pooring out - The circumstances behind everything, including feelings that have been building up for years. And as it goes against everything I stand for, it was hard to admit how good it felt. Maybe because I'm always the listener, it felt good to just have someone there to listen to me, I don't know. And it's not like i have eager ears, but it just goes back to the whole vulnerability thing. i could analyze it til I'm blue in the... well, you know. She gave me her number to call her and tell her how things went. I never called back, maybe for fear of getting into other issues plaguing me, or maybe for fear of dealing with another psycho. We all know how that turned out.
So I think being more open is in my future. I may not necessarily just come out and say stuff, but I guess if you ask the right questions, the combination will be broken.
Let's just say that over the past several weeks, I've learned some things about myself. Maybe things that I already knew were there, but the awareness was inflamed. (oh, note to self, pick up cream). So what have I learned, you rhetorically ask. Well, for those who really know me, they know that I have this tendency to be a little reluctant to divulge any personal feelings out into the open. I've never looked at this as a personal attack at any person as a trust issue, it's just that some things I don't feel the need to bring into the open, moreso with people I know. Because while it may not affect the person I tell, it almost opens me up to a sense of vulnerability, at least that's how I think. Ultimately, while you make seek counsel from others, looking for any sort of alternate view, whether it be to validate what you think or gain new perspective, it is ultimately ones self that is still left with their problem at the end of the day, a problem they can only deal with (in most cases) and a problem they will be left to solve. So, i guess in a way, I eliminate the middle man. And besides, I'm probably one of the best people to have a conversation with anyway, because no matter what I say, I'm always right.
ok, now, despite all this, which in a way, I still stand by, i've discovered that I need to be a little more open with my feelings. Let's just say that some of the events over the last 2 months have caused my inner monologue to go into overdrive, to the point of overload. There finally came a point where I couldn't hold it anymore and broke down to some poor caller at work. As I sat there isolated in my studio with just one ear on the other end of the phone, it all came pooring out - The circumstances behind everything, including feelings that have been building up for years. And as it goes against everything I stand for, it was hard to admit how good it felt. Maybe because I'm always the listener, it felt good to just have someone there to listen to me, I don't know. And it's not like i have eager ears, but it just goes back to the whole vulnerability thing. i could analyze it til I'm blue in the... well, you know. She gave me her number to call her and tell her how things went. I never called back, maybe for fear of getting into other issues plaguing me, or maybe for fear of dealing with another psycho. We all know how that turned out.
So I think being more open is in my future. I may not necessarily just come out and say stuff, but I guess if you ask the right questions, the combination will be broken.
posted by Christian at 12:16 PM
3 Comments:
789551 ?
wasn't that the code on Mission: Impossible, the 1996 Tom "I know the History of Psychiatry Better than You" Cruise blockbuster? I believe it was the code that unlocked that vault-like thing.
I (have been ) (will continue to) work on that combination.
(Especially since I know you're looking to have someone crack it.)Is there anything else I can put in parentheses?
867-5309.
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