The Parting Gifts

One of the things that a woman will do to hold onto your mind after a breakup is to plant seeds... seeds in the form of last minute gifts before you leave her... or parting gifts. I never knew this happened, but I learned the hard way.

My Parting Gifts

1) The New York Times Cookbook - she had been meaning to give it to me for a long time. I love to cook... i love cookbooks. I guess she figured better late than never

2) Bath and Body Works fresh vanilla lotion - a favorite of hers. I would always use it after i spent the night at her house and successfully had stolen about 3 bottles of the stuff. it was her scent. it would haunt me forever

3) A CD labeled "Songs that remind me of you" - I know, but that deserves its own post.

4) A card. I'm hoping that was written while I was asleep.

As i walked out of her place, i was in shock. It was a bright and sunny day, beautiful weather... a crisp fall morning. But everything seemed dull. I felt numb. I was in a stupor the entire subway ride to work. I was on auto pilot. I didnt know where I was going... i was just going. I turned on my iPod. I needed to switch my mind. The first song I listened to post-breakup was "Virtual Insanity" by Jamiroquai. I'll never forget that.

I got to work, arrived at my desk, placed down my bag, and reached inside for the letter. I was alone in the office, except for a fellow employee on the other side of the office who tunes out everything anyway. I pulled the card out of the envelope and this is what i saw...



And inside, the official card read "We just fit." but this is what she added...

"Christian,
So I guess this is it - our happy intermission. I know you're right, we gave it a good try.
I'm really sad to be leaving this way. I wish there was something I could do to make it different. but that would be impossible. I meant it when I said don't let those guys destroy your spirit - you are so special and it breaks my heart when people don't see that (even if it is a joke)
Thank you so much for everything - your help, your love, and your friendship. Especially your friendship.
I'll miss you baby. Please try to not let someone steal your heart while I'm gone. :(

xxoo
Kristin"

I broke down into tears after the first sentence. I couldnt control it. It was the culmination of the last 12 hours. I had been so cold. So stone faced. It had to come out somewhere. I cried for 2 minutes straight, head in hand, quite audibly, trying to regain composure several times with fail. I had not cried in years. I've shed one during a movie here and there, but that was intentionally evoked emotion. These were real tears brought on by pure, raw, and real emotion. It hurt so much. What did I do? It was over. and I did it.

Inside the card was a separate insert/card that read "Act Upon Your Inner Impulses" on the front and on the back, read the following:
"If you play the game of life, you'll have plenty of wins and losses, regardless of your talent level. Being inspired means that you're willing to act upon your inner impulses so that you'll never experience the pain of dying while still wondering, What if...?"

What was she trying to tell me?

I wasnt proud of what I did, but it was done. My heart was splitting open. I was in pain. I had pushed away someone who I loved... someone i was close to. I was grieving, and this was only the beginning.

Working for a radio show is not easy - your life is an open book. Something my now ex always hated, but was willing to look past because she knew it made me happy. I didnt want to talk about it. I told her I wouldnt talk about it. But who was i kidding, i was going to talk about it on the air, not because I wanted to, but because I HAD to. I wanted to crawl up into a ball under my desk and cry, but how does that make for good radio. So, dragging my feet, I did my job, i went on with my day. At 3p ET, I found myself in studio for the start of the Covino & Rich Show. At at 3:04p ET, it began. I bared my soul for all to hear, but it was good in the end. It helped me work through the initial shock. I cried a little. The cd was played then pretended to be broken. I couldnt let that happen for real, I'm too sentimental. I worked through it... for now. As good friends, everyone told me it was all for the best. Maybe it was, but I couldnt see that right now. I only saw the pain and loss. I missed her. But there was no turning back.